My life is amazing. Being alive is amazing. Every day. Every moment. Every experience. Every Birthday.
Black balloons. Grave stones. Black roses. Over the Hill references. All part of turning 50. Today I turn 50. I am a half century old! WOW!
I have lived more years than I have left. I’ve learned a lot about myself. I have lived long enough to really read people. Truth is easy to spot, deceit even easier. I have learned that it’s not worth giving your time to people who drain you, lie to you and lie about you. Time is precious. It’s so much more rewarding to give more of yourself to the ones that truly appreciate it. Someone very important to me once said “don’t waste your time trying to make someone love you. Give more time to the people who already do”. I can say that I didn’t really know what that meant in my 20’s and 30’s. I do now. I’m happier at 50. I’m more sure of who I am, where I’m going, and what truly really matters. I don’t dwell on the things that didn’t happen, or the opportunities missed. I don’t let as many people take advantage of me as I did in my 20’s. I say “no” more often when it doesn’t feel right, but I also open myself up to say “yes” more often to opportunities of the unknown. I take more chances. Life isn’t scary anymore. I’m less scared of change. I know if it doesn’t work out, I can almost always reverse it. I’ve lived long enough to know that it just always works out the way it’s supposed to. Even the bad things that happen, are part of life, or just work themselves out.
I’ve learned that tomorrow is never promised, and you should take chances, smile every day, and love to the fullest. Mistakes come with memories. Mistakes come with funny stories (years later sometimes). Mistakes come with forgiveness. I have realized money really means nothing to me, and “stuff” means even less. Building relationships with people, strangers, friends and our daughters, through helping, giving, listening and sometimes just being there is what is important. I have realized that strangers can become friends with one simple question in a parking lot. A neighbor in a new apartment can become your life long best friend. And that humanity is far from lost in this country.
I have now been married half of my life to the same amazing, beautiful man. I love being married. I don’t think either of us fall into the “comfortable” category, nor do I want to. Justin still keeps me on my toes, tells me I’m wrong, challenges me to be better, stronger, smarter and loves my feisty, crazy attitude, and tells me I’m pretty. The spark is still there, and he still whistles at me at least once a day. He still opens my car door for me. He still makes me laugh (sometimes even when I’m supposed to be mad at him). He’s the one I can tell anything to, and he’ll still love me. He’s the daddy to our girls and the role model we know they’ll structure their own relationships from.
I have lived 50 years and have one best girl-friend. That best friend is everything to me. When I was younger it was about lots of friends. The more, the better.
Now it’s about one true friend. Rene’ has been the truest best friend anyone could dream of, and I’m so lucky she’s mine. We have lived farther apart for more years than we had lived close, and yet most days don’t go by without us communicating. I love her!
One of my favorite quotes is exactly how 50 feels to me — “As we grow up we learn that even the one person that wasn’t supposed to ever let us down, probably will. You’ll have your heart broken and you’ll break others hearts. You’ll blame a new love for things an old love did. You’ll fight with your best friend and you’ll cry because time is flying by and you’ll eventually lose somebody you love. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, forgive freely and love like you’ve never been hurt … Because every second you spend angry or upset is a second of happiness you can never get back.”
So my thought on turning 50 today … bring it on! I’m ready! I’m blessed to live another year!